Crossroads
I recently wrapped up a much-needed week-long debrief with TRAIN International. It was something my soul needed. Walking into this debrief, I felt peace, but I felt out of sorts, disconnected, and feeling like I didn't belong. I still feel that way, but the feeling of peace remains.
Some of you may be asking, "what is a debrief, and if you still feel the same way, then what was the point of it?" A debrief is the time and space to unpack and process with God and others. It is a time of naming the re-entry issues, normalizing the re-entry process, and reverse culture shock (yes, it's a real thing). It is a time to understand the dynamics of a major life transition, gain perspective about what has happened in your overseas experience, and discover helpful tools in any transition.
Some walk away, realizing they need to heal and have more to process. Others walk away feeling ready for their next transition, and others leave almost feeling as they did when they walked in but knowing it's okay to feel that way because, in the chaos, the Father is present. I am one of those others.
During one of our sessions, we talked about crossroads. We were given four pictures to look at and were asked to choose the one that resonated with us. As I studied the four pictures, I thought to myself, "I have felt all of these at some point--dryness with an oasis in sight, overwhelming busyness not knowing which way to turn, and a time where a series of decisions had to be made." But at that moment, the bottom right one jumped out at me.
The greenery felt peaceful, and it resonated with my desire to rest. The two paths looked as if they forged into one. At the start of one path were two trails--one stood out a little on its own, and the other was every so slightly joined with the path that it eventually connected to. But what's around the bend? How long does it meander until it joins the other path? How many roots and rocks will I trip over? You won't know until you take the first step.
The photo felt symbolic--my life starting to merge with someone else's as I leave a path I have been on for six years.
Crossroads look different for everyone. For some, they are messy and hard and can be filled with questions and or doubt. For others, they can be uncomfortable as it is a time of stretching. Or they can be filled with excitement, and for others, they are filled with unknowns. But whatever the crossroad, they are usually long, and almost always, you can learn something.
I recently listened to a devotional from the Bible app discussing Philippians 4:9. The speaker said something that jumped out at me, "peace does not mean you don't have problems. Peace means that problems don't have you." Hearing this struck a correct chord because the crossroad I'm facing is filled with unknowns and waiting, but having it surrounded by peace is something I'm clinging to and try to remind myself of daily.
What am I learning, you might ask? I don't think I have that answer yet. I am still trying to hear that still small voice above the noise, but while I wait, I will press in and ask God to show me because I need Him to carry me through this waiting period.
What I'm currently listening to during this waiting/crossroad period:
Personal Update:
As many of you know, I hope to make my way to New Zealand (NZ) by the end of this year. Borders are still closed (thank you, COVID), but we are applying for a critical visa (made specifically because of COVID) where I could be granted entry into NZ. I meet all the requirements except a small one--we have never lived together. Due to our beliefs, we do not wish to live together before marriage. Because this visa was created just for COVID, immigration requirements are even more tedious, and you cannot contest the denial of the visa due to a "religious bias." Your approval is also based on the person reviewing your visa, the mood they may be in that day, etc. If it is God's will for me to be there by December, pray for favor and understanding. If not, we will have to wait until borders officially open.
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